parenting+classes

__//**Meeting Monday 27th of May 2013**//__
//**Theatre 9 A.M.**//

**Strategies to help your child become independent and capable. What can we do as parent s to help them achieve this.**
= = =__//**March18th**//__=

__//Mistake # 5 Punishing for Ma////king//__ //__Mistakes__//
===As parents, you can help your child by normalizing making mistakes. It is part of living and as long as we live, we will make mistakes. You can help your child see mistakes as opportunities to learn instead of signs of inadequacy.=== ===When your children can see mistakes this way, they will feel better about being accountable for what they do because they have learned that admitting to a mistake does not make them bad or get them into trouble. They will also learn to ask for help.===

===3) Resolve the problem by working together on finding a solution,by the way, when you make a mistake it is okay to let your children know. They are very forgiving and you are modeling what to do when a mistake is made.===

They are often ready to take on more responsibility before you are comfortable letting them have it.
===For young children, your job is to set limits without a lot of discussion. But, as children get older it becomes more important to involve them in the decision making of what those limits will be. When you learn and use a positive parenting system you will have the framework and tools to work with your children in setting age appropriate limits everyone can live with.===

happen naturally if you are not standing in the way.
===If you look outside and it is snowing, and you don’t put on a coat, you will be cold. If you leave the house without an umbrella and it rains, you will get wet. The problem with letting your child experience a natural consequence is that you are reluctance to seeing them “suffer”.=== ===So, you try to make sure they avoid the pitfalls of forgetting their lunch or getting wet in the rain by constant reminding, nagging and lecturing. Try just waiting before you say anything or act and see what happens if you don’t intervene.===

of Positive Discipline says, don’t “bawl them out and then bail them out” and expect them to have learned a lesson.
===If your child consistently forgets his homework and expects you to bring it to school, a logical consequence would be to say, “I am sorry you forgot your homework, you will need to handle it with your teacher. I can’t bring your homework to school today”.===

When the offense and the consequence are related, then there is an opportunity for your child to learn from his choice or his misbehavior.
===The reason for logical consequences is not to punish your child for something she did in the past but to help her learn a valuable life lesson. They say to your child, you made a mistake, you can learn from it and try again.===

keeping gas in his car and now he can’t get to work because the tank is empty don’t rescue him by jumping in the car and taking him yourself.
===Give up lecturing and scolding and let him figure out what he is going to do. Providing him the opportunity to learn from experiences like these saves him from bigger problems later on. Watch out if you never allowed him to deal with the consequences of his own actions.===

Appropriate choices are best used in a couple of ways. If you want to ward off a negative response from your child you can give him a choice between two options.
==For instance, if your 9 year old doesn’t want to take a bath and is arguing with you, try this. Remaining firm and friendly ask him this way, “Would you like to take your bath before or after dinner? You decide.”== ==Notice that not taking a bath is not one of the choices. He can now only make a choice based on the ones you’ve given but he will feel a sense of control over the situation instead of fighting with you.== ==Next, it is appropriate to use choices when you want to avoid a power struggle. Perhaps you have an issue about what your daughter picks to wear to school. She insists on wearing play clothes to school instead of school clothes.== ==Make a space in her closet or in a particular dresser drawer. Put all the clothes you feel are appropriate for school and tell her she can choose anything from that drawer. That way you are limiting her to choices you feel are appropriate. She feels empowered and you are no longer the bad guy.== ==Giving limited choices is also an encouraging thing to do so your child can feel a sense of his own power while you are teaching and protecting him. Young children love to be able to chose which hand to hold when you are at the mall. So, no matter which hand they choose you still have control over making sure they walk with you.==

It is also very important that you make sure the choices you offer are all acceptable to you. Don’t offer two choices and really only want your child to pick the “right” one.
==Don’t offer choices that you can’t live with. So, if you say, “Be sure to put your clothes in the laundry room or they won’t get washed and you will have to wear dirty ones”, if you aren’t willing to let them wear dirty clothes.== ==For choices to work for you and your child make sure that you are willing to accept either choice they they make. If they argue for another choice, you reaffirm that they get to pick from the two you suggested or you will choose for them.== ==The choices you offer will need to change and become broader in scope as your children get older. Young children respond well to simple, limited choices like “Do you want to ride in the stroller or hold my hand, you decide”.==

__// Meeting January 14th 2013 //__
//__** Mistake # 2 **__//

__ **Must I Have a Reason to Say No?** __

**Are you a parent that thinks that you can't say no without a good reason?**

**You don't always have to have a reason to say no because you are the parent, however consider if this is your only answer most of the time.**

**Do you feel guilty if you say no?**

**Your job as a parent is not to be a friend. They will have lots of friends our job is to be the adult and the loving teacher. We need to develop a thicker skin as children can say very hurtful words. We need to be able to deflect these words and consider the age of the child.**

**Lots for discussion here so bring your ideas to the meeting.**

__ **FOURTH MEETING DECEMBER 3rd** __

**Looking at the 5 biggest mistakes that we make as parents.**

__//** Mistake #1 **//__

**Explaining, Lecturing, Nagging.**

**Do we use words like,**

**Do this, Do that?**

**Do we talk and explain and lecture?**

**By changing our behaviour we can encourage the child to make changes.**

**Don't ask the child if they would like to do this or that.**

**Instead we might say,"The table needs to be set be set before we eat supper and have an expectation of whose job this is. Family meetings are useful to set up these systems.**

**You need to clean your room before you can go out to play and mean it.**

**Make eye contact and avoid shouting orders from one room to another. When you do this with children at an early age you avoid power struggles later on. Establish consistency and routines.**

**SECOND MEETING NOVEMBER 12TH DUE TO SCHOOL BREAK.**

**Discussions in groups about the handout given at the previous session.** **Cyber bullies, Cell Phone bullying and tactics to use to prepare our children to handle all this technological age,with safety**


 * FIRST MEETING October the 22nd **
 * Meetings will be every other Monday because of other parental commitments. I will be pleased to see the return of many parents as well as new parents. **


 * The topic will be on Bullying in Schools and the serious ramifications of not paying attention to this problem. I went to a a workshop and the topic was The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander. In addition Cyber bullying: High - Tech Harassment in the Net Neighborhood was introduced. **
 * The topics were both interesting and informative. With this in mind I will introduce the handout that I was given during the workshop. I hope that this will alert us as parents to some of the dangers that our children, in this day and age, face in a super charge high tech world, as well as promoting discussions around this issue. **


 * __ October 15th __**
 * Welcome back to our new school year. We have been in school almost three weeks and I am happy to see you all again. **
 * Parenting classes will begin the //first Monday in October. I// am looking forward to meeting with new parents as well as the returning parents. Come and enjoy our get together in the auditorium upstairs. Classes will run from 9-00 a.m. until 10-30 a.m. **
 * If you have any questions catch me in the halls or phone Monika to set up a meeting. **
 * Look forward to seeing you in October. **
 * his day and age, face in a super charge high tech world, as well as promoting discussions around this issue. **

= = =__//**September 2013**//__= =__//**WELCOME BACK TO WIS PARENTING GROUP September 2013**//__=

=== One of the hardest parts of parenting is the rivalry between children within the family. The goal of the sessions was to help parents, to help their children, to learn to live peaceably together. Hopefully the outcome was to sensitize parents to some of the issues that increase hostility, to a change of language and attitude that foster a decrease in hostility. ===

**__ The sessions include; __**
=== As parents we worry about being fair and making all are children equal. This is an impossible task which fosters siblings comparing themselves to each other either favourably or unfavourably. We have to learn alternative ways other than comparisons. === === Brother and sister often put each other into roles as do their parents. These roles can be really powerful and can affect their relationship with others. Parents need the skills to free each child to become the best that he or she can be. ===
 * 1) ===** Keeping Children Separate and Unequal. **===
 * 1) ===** Siblings in Roles **===
 * 1) ===** When the kids Fight **===

During this discussion we will use the skills learned in ‘The Step Programme’ to help children practice skills to reduce rage. As parents we can motivate them to work out their own solutions.

 * 1) ===** Problem Solving **===

We will look at approaches that enable us, as adults to sit down with the children, so that they can resolve some of their own conflicts.

 * 1) ===** Looking at our own Experience as Parents **===

**__ Help Children with their Feelings __**

 * === Listen with attention, really listen, don’t look around or do other things. ===
 * === When they express their feelings, show them that you are listening. ===
 * === When they feel something, identify what it is.eg sad, worried, tired, angry or excited. This helps to lower their anxiety. Someone understands me without judging me! ===
 * === Sometimes they want what is physically nor possible. Turn this into a game of pretend or dream what it would bee like if you could have it. ===

**__ Get them to cooperate __**

 * === Don’t criticize just describe the situation. Talking too much does not promote their ability to listen. ===
 * === Try to control your anger by describing what you want. Homework, clean room. Sometimes writing a note can be helpful. Doing the unexpected. ===

Consequences are teaching opportunities.

 * === Tell them to be helpful. ===
 * === Disapprove without being insulting. ===
 * === Offer a choice ===
 * === Show them how to correct it. ===
 * === Express what you expect. ===
 * === Don’t talk too much, act! ===
 * === Most importantly let them experience the consequences. ===

**__ Let them do things for themselves __**

 * 1) === Let them choose try not to choose for them unless they are unable to choose for themselves. This can be used occasionally if we have a standoff. “You can’t choose so would you like me to choose for you?” ===
 * 2) === Respect them when they are trying. ===
 * 3) === Don’t ask too many questions. Let them be. ===
 * 4) === Don’t offer answers too quickly. Let them think. ===
 * 5) === Let them look for answers sometimes outside the family. ===
 * 6) === Let them hope. ===

** Describe what you see; **

 * === This room looks clean. ===
 * ===** The homework looks as though you have put a lot of effort into it. **===

** Describe what you feel; **

 * === It’s really encouraging for me to see a clean room ===
 * === I appreciate your help. ===

** Describe what is appreciated **

 * === You put the toys away and the clothes in the drawers. You are organized. ===
 * === Hey you were playing without fighting that shows me that you cooperate with each other. ===

**__ Don’t label your children __**

 * === Offer them new images of themselves. Don’t describe them as careless, clumsy, slow etc. ===
 * === Put them into situations where they can behave differently. ===
 * === Say something positive; catch them doing the right thing. ===
 * ===Store and keep your children’s special moments ===

===The parenting classes will follow the STEP program chapter by chapter and on some chapters we will spend more than a week. The change in this program comes from the parents and skills need to be practiced.===

===This was a very heavy chapter because it contained a great deal of information, as well as a re framing of personal ideas of parenting. We did an exercise on the different styles of parenting and reflected on whether we were autocratic, (brick wall), no boundaries, (jellyfish) or democratic, (backbone)===
 * ===**We learned about the challenge of raising a confident and responsible child.**===
 * ===**That our job is one of guiding not punishing, encouraging independence and not doing for a child what the child can do for him/hersel__f.__**===
 * ===**Our expectations for children to cooperate is a valid one.**===
 * ===**Children's behavior has a purpose. (Goals of misbehavior)**===
 * ===**Families can work, play and grow together.**===

This program depends on a shift in parents reactions. The idea that we tuned in to our feelings of a child's misbehavior led to the understanding of the goals.

 * ===**Attention**===
 * ===**Power**===
 * ===**Revenge**===
 * ===**Display of inadequacy**===

__**Points to remember**__

 * 1) ===Challenge to raise children who are healthy,confident,cooperative and responsible..===
 * 2) ===Help your child cooperate by setting limits and giving choices===
 * 3) ===Remembering the roles that affect your child's behavior e.g.temperament, heredity,environment,ages.stages and sex roles.===
 * 4) Parents expectations are powerful and can be positive or negative.
 * 5) All children want to belong, and they will attain this through useful behavior or misbehavior.
 * 6) Four goals of misbehavior and how they can by identified by our feelings around the behavior..
 * 7) Building a good relationship with your child involves;
 * Showing respect
 * having fun
 * giving encouragement
 * showing love


 * ===The way to change your child's behavior is to change your approach.===
 * ===Your child's beliefs about how to belong.===
 * ===Your child's feelings and actions come from theses beliefs.===
 * ===You have feelings and beliefs too.===
 * ===You can change your feelings and beliefs so that you can help your child.===

1. To identify a child's goals, look at;

 * ===how you feel when the misbehavior happens===
 * ===what you do about the misbehavior===
 * ===how the child responds to what you do===

4 To help your child form positive beliefs, you can;

 * ===Help your child take part.===
 * ===Give choices===
 * ===Be a good listener===
 * ===Notice and teach courage===

This week we will look at;

 * ===How to encourage your child to be confident and to improve his/her self esteem.===
 * ===Encouragement can help your child feel loved, accepted, respected, and valued.===
 * ===Praise and encouragement is not the same thing.===
 * ===You also need to encourage yourself ,===

2. You encourage when you;

 * ===love and accept your child===
 * ===notice your child's efforts===
 * ===appreciate your child===
 * ===have faith in your child===

We will learn;

 * ===To have a good relationships, talk together using special skills.===
 * ===You can listen to hear how your child is feeling.===
 * ===You can show your child that talking about feelings is O.K.===
 * ===You can talk about problems without blaming.===

Use these words;

 * ===When " When you don't call,===
 * ===I feel I feel worried===
 * ===Because because I don't know where you are."really angry, get aweay from your child. calm down or get some help.===


 * ===Cooperating means working together.===
 * ===Children can be responsible for some of their own problems===
 * ===You and your child can talk together and solve problems===
 * ===Family meetings help families enjoy each other and solve problems together===


 * ===The purpose of discipline to help the child learn to be responsible.===
 * ===Discipline is a way to guide your your child to learn to make choices.===
 * ===Consequences can help your child learn to cooperate and be responsible.===
 * ===Using consequences shows respect for all family members.===

2. The keys to effective discipline are;

 * ===show respect for your child and yourself..===
 * ===Expect your child to cooperate.===
 * ===Provide choices.===
 * ===Apply consequences===

6. Remember;

 * ===Be firm and kind.===
 * ===Talk less and act more.===
 * ===Don't fight or give in.===
 * ===Usr respectful words.===
 * ===Respect the choice===
 * ===Make it clear when there is NO CHOICE.===
 * ===Give children the responsibility for their choice===
 * ===Don't worry what others think.===
 * ===__STAY CALM__===